00:03:18 Greg’s 6 F’s
00:05:46 Self-care is not selfish
00:07:23 Leading by example and doing the best you can every day
00:09:41 Keep things simple to be more productive. Simple does not mean easy.
00:11:17 Greg lives by his Calendar
00:12:42 What is “Working off Resolve”?
00:15:18 Act with intent to make changes in your life
00:18:31 The many challenges associated with making changes
00:22:51 Supporting and encouraging our children to find their place in the world
00:24:14 You can be successful in whatever you are interested in
00:27:51 Encouraging curiosity and possibility whilst helping to funnel options for our children
00:31:29 Letting children make mistakes- don’t be the “helicopter” parent
00:32:51 Leading by example
00:36:15 Failure makes for the best education
00:36:37 Learning from your mistakes and failures
00:40:35 If only we could operate in day-to-day life as we operate in the gym!
00:41:43 Greg’s lessons to his younger self
00:42:23 Prioritise your family
00:43:51 Don’t take parenting too seriously | Don’t forget your wife | Don’t force any interest on your children
00:45:22 Have fun!
00:47:22 Different sections of your life will take priority at different times.
00:50:36 What is new with the Midlife Male Podcast?
00:51:33 How to connect with Greg
- Guest’s Intagram
- Guest’s Website
- Guest’s Facebook
- Athletic Greens Discount
- Visit the Fitter Healthier Dad website
- Subscribe or leave a review on iTunes
Welcome to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast, where you can learn how to improve your diet, lose fat and get fitter in a sustainable and fun way without spending hours in the gym. Here is your host Darren Kirby.
Darren: Welcome back to the podcast, guys. This is the number one podcast for men in their 40s who wants to improve their health through nutrition and fitness. This is episode one hundred and fifteen. In today’s episode, we are talking with Greg Scheinman from Midlife Male about maximizing your life and parenting. Greg has worked diligently to combine personal passions with professional expertise and specializes in risk management for hospitality, CPG, health and fitness companies and luxury lifestyle brands. His motto is Ensuring success in work and life. But before we get into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to mention the show’s sponsors. Athletic Greens Athletic Greens was created by its founder, Chris. After years of gut health issues that left him facing a health crisis with no solutions in sight, despite his best efforts to maintain a balance nourishing diet, Chris’s body struggled to absorb and synthesize nutrients. Chris developed athletic greens with a mission of creating the highest efficacy bioavailable and nutritionally complete supplement to help your body function as it’s supposed to, no matter your age or activity level. Now, as most of you know who are regular listeners to the podcast. I’m a big advocate of making sure that you get all of your nutrients and vitamins from real food, but in today’s modern, fast-paced world, that is not always possible. So I personally take athletic greens as kind of a backup as an insurance policy to ensure that I’m getting all of the vitamins and minerals in my diet. So athletic greens have an offer for listeners of the podcast, and that is a 10 per cent off your first order. So if you head over to athletic greens dot com forward slash fitter, healthier dad, you will receive 10 per cent off your first order.
Darren: Hey, Greg, thanks very much for coming back on to the podcast today. How are you?
Greg: I’m great, Darren. Thanks. Thanks for having me. It’s great to see you again. The board behind you has filled up since the last time.
Greg: So this is terrific.
Darren: Yeah, absolutely. And all the bords to the side of me I’m forever filling up whiteboards with ideas and stuff.
Greg: It’s great to see the progress. You know that that you’ve made, and I get to watch and follow you through social and then obviously we get to reconnect like this. But just, you know, the work that you’re doing is so awesome and it’s great to see you not only following through on your passions, but helping so many people and watching your progress has been really cool. So, so thank you for that.
Darren: No. And thanks very much for saying that. I really appreciate that. It definitely is something which I am deeply passionate about, and I’m glad that that comes through. So, yeah, it was. It’s great to reconnect today, but for people that maybe haven’t listened to the first episode with you and I. Can you give a little bit of insight and background into Greg?
Greg: You are one. Go back and listen to that episode like you were really good on that too. There were good questions. So go back and listen to that one for sure. But yet, you know, my mission is to help men maximize midlife and achieve a better quality of life and take back maybe some of those things that they have lost along the way. So I tend to focus on what I call the six F’s, which is family and fitness and finance and food, and I love fashion and style. It’s important and fun, which is super important, and we’re not having enough of it. So, you know, that’s what I’ve been up to the podcast. The newsletter continues to grow and I’m just working with those types of men and the brands that are trying to reach men like us also and help improve their quality of life. So that’s what I’ve been up to. I know we want to talk a little bit about parenting, you know, I’ve got yeah, that’s that is my full time number one job. Yeah, absolutely. Right next to husbanding, which I’m supposed to do first and
Darren: Then, yeah, right.
Greg: Then parent, I got to put those in the right order. So I put husbanding first and then parenting and then maybe taking care of all the other shit. We’ve got to
Go. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah, no. And yeah, and it’s great. And like we were just saying before we started recording, actually, you know, it’s interesting, isn’t it, that what you’re doing with midlife male is amazing. I think it’s very, very needed, this whole kind of macho kind of mentality that we’ve kind of maybe you and I, we even brought up with, you know, has to change, right? We have to be taking more care of ourselves in order to show up better for our careers, our wives, our families, our kids and everything else. And yeah, I mean, what what you’re doing and obviously some of the brands that you’re working with and the way that you kind of conduct yourself really comes through in midlife male. So, you know, talking about we were talking about kids and parenting and, you know, there’s no rulebook for this stuff is there? But, you know, I believe and maybe you feel the same is that if we take care and attention of ourselves, we can put out a better version of ourselves to show up, to be better for our kids. And therefore, hopefully they learn from that. So what’s your kind of take on that? Because I know you got very strong views on this?
Greg: Well, first I appreciate one there. There is no rule book. You’re absolutely right now. There are thousands of books out there, but there is no one rule book. And I think that’s important to point out is that everybody has a different way of doing things and there’s a different way that works for everybody. And you know, I feel, look, go on. You can read the books, you can read the articles. There’s so much out there for you to digest and try to absorb. We can also get paralyzed by that and to an extent and be trying to go in all of these different directions at the expense of just being present and doing the very best we possibly can. So I do subscribe to the Gleaning is much information and finding, you know, maybe from people or articles or books or podcasts or wherever you’re getting your information. Find some things that you identify with and use them if it helps to benefit you and your experience and discard anything and dismiss anything that doesn’t go out there, too. But you know, to your point. I do think putting yourself first is extremely important because I don’t feel that I want to phrase it different. Self-care is not selfish, and I think that leading by example and caring and conducting yourself in a manner that makes you healthier, happier, stronger, more productive and this is emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally.
Greg: I mean, it goes all the way down the line to just sleep, you know, and recovery and all facets of life, you know, our kids are watching. Yeah. Our kids are watching. And frankly, the other dads are watching. Their kids are watching out there and simply by leading by example and controlling what you can control. You are making a big positive impact on those around you. Yeah. Yeah. Caught up, as I say, we get caught up a lot in the in the Instagram or the masses and the watching and the comparison and everything. But I really am a big believer that one we should be producing more than we consume. You do the best you possibly can and two who cares what really anybody else is doing because you have no idea what’s really going on in their lives or their world, and they have no idea what’s really going on in yours. And just get back to the basics of am I doing the best that I can for me and my family every day? And if you do that, like, I think it has a much grander effect overall.
Darren: Yeah, definitely. I completely agree with that. And I think it’s an important point that you just raised there about asking yourself those questions, right? Because I don’t find that men are introspective enough as it is right. We just kind of it’s almost like we follow this societal norm or framework is that we grow up, we get a job, we get at a career, we have a family and we just kind of, you know, kind of work Our way through life is in the societal framework as opposed to actually stopping and saying, Am I being the best version of myself? Can, where can I improve, you know? And where do I actually want my life to go instead of just, you know, unconsciously going through life, right? And I think you’re a great advocate of that, you know, and if anyone watches Greg’s feed, you can see the planning that you do the way that you structure your week and stuff like that. So can you give us a bit of an insight into that, Greg, because you’re very deliberate about the way that you structure and plan your week and kind of live your working life, so to speak.
Greg: Thank you. I mean, again, everybody has their way. You know what works for them? And you know, what I found for me is somebody who wrestles with stress and anxiety, consistency, discipline, conformity, complacency, all of these things that you are just alluding to, that men, you know, men struggle with. Well, I do too. Yeah. And I don’t profess to have all of the answers. I continue to profess that it is a work in progress to find things that work for me, that fill my tank rather than empty it. And if something is working, do more of it. Yeah, if something is not working, find something to take its place or replace it with and keep and keep trying. What I’ve also found is that by keeping things simple, I’m able to become far more productive and reduce the anxiety and the stress. Mm hmm. How simple does not mean easy? Let’s not equate simple with easy. Simple is actually very difficult and takes a lot of work and practice to be able to live simply, but also live effectively. Learn what you should say no to, you know, versus yes is the easy answer. You know, going along is always easier than cutting against going to bed earlier is harder when you have an eighteen year old, a 15 year old, a wife, two dogs, you know, not staying out later, having the extra drink is easier.
Greg: There are all these things that are easier rather than simple. The simple it’s difficult. Again, when you prioritize yourself, you prioritize your health, you prioritize what’s really important to you. And this is what I had. I mean, when I say kind of taking back some of those things that we’ve lost, you know, we lose control of our calendar. Yeah, no. Our schedule starts controlling us rather than us controlling our schedule. These quote unquote obligations, responsibilities, these things we think we have to do, are supposed to do and have been doing even ,that those have become the habits that’s become the norm, instead of the other thing, so to directly answer your question, I live by the calendar, OK? I mean, like it’s a rule in our house, like if it’s not on the calendar, it does not exist. Okay. So between my wife and my kids and I, we are constantly exchanging calendar invites and putting stuff out there that way. I also started using Calendly, you know, an app in multiple apps for this as a way to block out my time and a way to control my schedule and say, here’s how much time and availability and bandwidth I even want to make myself available for. And you notice little things you don’t have to give 60 minutes to that call or 30 minutes to that call.
Greg: You can give 15 minutes to that call or five minutes. You don’t have to agree to meet everybody in person, you know, or go here. There are things that you can do again to take back a little bit more control, to become more self-aware, to give yourself a little bit more grace, a little bit more latitude, you know, an opportunity to focus on the things that are most important. So I live by the calendar. We work off of resolve, you know, not resolution, you know, like we’re going to come up on another New Year’s again, you know, before you know it, now we’re in practically in the fourth quarter, what’s everyone going to do? They’re going to wake up and make their resolutions and what are they going to do? They’re going to break them all, like live by resolve. Resolve is different than resolution. What do I resolve to do each and every day? Yeah. How can we break things down into small, manageable tasks? Yeah. Are you able to find out and determine for yourself, where are you most productive? Yeah. Versus busy, are you? Is that in the morning? Is it in the afternoon? Where do you need your breaks? So to become disciplined and consistent and simple? It a process. You know that it takes work. And I think it’s something that men can benefit from having that dialog, having that accountability.
Greg: Sometimes it’s what I hear a lot is I know what to do. I just don’t do it. Yeah. Because left to our own devices. We go back to what’s easy or what everybody expects, or we come home tired at the end of the day and, you know, it’s just not worth this argument. It’s just not worth, you know, that that thing and it’s easier again to just go, do this. But when you’re working with somebody or someone that are helping you? Yeah. And I get it again, I get it right back at me like, you know, hey, I want to go do this, I’ll give you an example like, Oh, well, I want to go do jujitsu. Ok, well, when are you going to do jujitsu? I don’t know. What do you mean? You don’t know? When are you going to do this Thursday? Ok, Thursday? Great. Open up your calendar. What time on Thursday? I don’t know. No, no, no. Go to the schedule online. Pick a time. Put it in and do it. You go. Are you kidding me? Like, it’s that easy? Yeah, it actually is. Yeah. Somebody, if somebody pushes you to make certain things a priority, whatever it may be, you realize I do have the time and I do have the choice.
Darren: Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I think that’s so important to kind of note, really, isn’t it? You know, the simple is not easy. It sounds simple, and everybody will acknowledge in aware. Yes, it’s simple, but it is not easy. And it’s being intentional about what you’re doing, isn’t it? If you want your life to go in a specific direction, be intentional.
Greg: Absolutely you nailed it again. And intent has some harsh connotations to it, also, the intent can be taken the wrong way by maybe people on the receiving end of some of the intention that that is important to you. Again, if? Somebody is used to you saying yes over and over again. And at a certain point, you realize you have to say no. How is that going to be perceived? How is that intent? So your intention is to progress. Your intention is to be the best version of yourself that you can be to show up better when you start operating and acting with intent. Every action has a reaction, and you just have to be prepared for that reaction, which again, can take something very simple. And make it hard, you know, meaning that the action is not what is hard, but dealing with the reaction. And often, friendships and relationships change, business relationships and dynamics change. If you were a night owl who was at the pub drinking, did I get that right? I don’t usually say,
Darren: Yeah, that’s OK.
Greg: I think I say, like, if that doesn’t sound like it should come out of my mouth that way, it shouldn’t. Ok. Because where you’re in Texas and it’s like, Yo, let’s go to the bar. But if you’re a night owl and you’re down at the pub or the bar? Yeah, and you consciously shift to becoming trying to become a morning person. You need to get more sleep. I want to cut back on my drinking. I want to go out for a walk or exercise or something in the morning. Well. You know, you have some significant changes to make, you may have some, you know, not necessarily that you have to answer per say for getting better, but you’re going to get a reaction. Yeah, you may have some things to answer for and certainly people that you may want to just address the situation with. Hmm. There’s the why for my behavior and my intent, and there’s the how I’m going to actually make it happen and the modifications that I’m doing.
Darren: Yeah. And I think, you know, the reaction that you get from others sometimes because you’ve decided to intentionally do something in your life is often a harsh thing to kind of accept, isn’t it? Because like you say, it does change friendships, it does change relationships. But it’s how important is that thing in your life that you’ve just changed to get that reaction for you to carry on with, right? Because a lot of people will come up against that. Maybe that reaction or response to what you’re doing and actually then backtrack, if then if they’re not that important to them and go back to their old habits?
Greg: Absolutely. And look anyone That is trying to step away from something that they’ve been a part of for a long time or make a change. Yeah, positive ones that we’re talking about in this case, and not even I the other aspects of their life were negative, I’m not even calling it black or white or good and bad, but you want to make some changes overall. Anyone who is making that type of change, that’s challenging for the other, for the other side, whether it’s your colleagues, your coworkers, again, your clients, even at home, your spouse, your children, you are going to be operating differently than you were before. Yeah. And. It’s that’s where, again, the simple gets harder. I don’t want to repeat myself, but if you are committed. To longevity, sustainability, the greater good only, you know, what’s really going on inside, inside, in your head and your heart and these areas, then you’re taking those steps for a purposeful reason with intent. They’re not random. It’s these rules. So I just got off a podcast with Dr Mike Simpson, who wrote the book “Honed- Finding Your Edge as a man over the age of 40”. Right. And what came out there? And he said some things that said a lot of things that were brilliant and. Far, far more articulate than I could say them by myself, but being also you don’t have to close doors either. You know, we’re not slamming these other doors shut. We’re not judging, you know, or, you know, cutting certain things off necessarily like that. You can exit with grace. You can make changes, you know, with gratitude, you know, with positivity.
Greg: And again, you can go back to leading by example and you may be the outlier for a little while. Yeah. And gradually, maybe over time, more people will want to join you over where you are. And at the same time, you may feel like you’re jumping out of this situation that you’ve been in for such a long time that is comfortable and warm and fuzzy. And it’s still not good. It’s maybe not good for you, but it’s where you have been. Yeah. And you’re worried about whether or not there are other people like you or another tribe for you, or whether or not you’re going to be out there on this island all by yourself. Well, you’re not right. Whatever you’re into, whatever you want to achieve, whatever you want to do, I can promise you there is a group of people out there that is already doing it and doing it very well, and they will welcome you in and accept you and help you to get better in those areas. So both are scary, the exit and the entrance into something else. Both are scary. Yeah, but I think. One is scary with possibility, yeah. Mm-hmm. And positivity, the other is scary. Of I don’t really want to stay here. All right. Yeah, yeah, I may have. I’m going to have regret, you know, over here. This is scary for a whole nother set of reasons. So, you know, kudos to anybody who takes those steps to move forward from where they are. Yeah, that’s the goal.
Darren: Yeah, yeah. And I think, yeah, it comes back to the to the simple, but not always easy right to make that change and keep consistent with it. But I think as you were talking there, what that kind of reminded me of that situation where you decided to make a positive change and to move into a different direction is some of the conversations that I have with my boys. And that is, you know, when they start mixing with certain groups of people at school and maybe they those people are not into the same hobbies or they’re not into sport or anything like that. It’s having that is being able to have that conversation with them and articulate level to kind of make them understand that they can actually change right? If they don’t like the group they’re in, they can actually find a new tribe, as you put it. So how have you managed to kind of have you had to do that with your boys, Greg? You had to have those conversations?
Greg: Absolutely. You know, these are formative years. You know, the ones that I’m in, my boys are 18 and 15, so I have one that’s a senior in high school, one that is a freshman in high school. So we’ve got one that’s going to be going off to college in a year. One that is just entering high school. And one thing that your question made me think of is. You know, here’s it’s not always about change per se, right? It’s about who you actually already are, innately how you’re wired as a human being. Already. Yes. So it may not be so much that you have to change or others have to change. It may just be. Where do I feel most like me? And this is how I already am. This is how I’m already wired. I’m not trying to change that. I’m just trying to find my place within the system. Yeah, and it works. Or if it doesn’t work within this system, find another system. You know where it does or make my own because I don’t want to change. If I’m artistic, I don’t want to change from being artistic. No, I want to become a better artist. So how can with my children, how can we support that? How can we encourage that, not put them in a room with a bunch of future bankers?
Darren: Yeah, right?
Greg: And be like, You’ve got to change to go become a banker, you know? Yeah, no. We just want to try to support and encourage them to be who they are and embrace curiosity and work to find who you know, who and what their authentic self really is. If you play sports great, you’re going to play for enjoyment. If you happen to have an aptitude for it and you want and you can go further. Wonderful. The right coaches will find you or the schools will find you. Yeah. If you love design, as I mentioned, I got one son that really loves design, graphic design, art, and I have another who does love finance and stock analysis and all kinds of stuff that I don’t understand. I’m not really good at either one of those things, quite frankly, but it’s amazing to see the world through the lenses that my boys are interested in. They look, if I want to connect deeper with them, then I want to have an interest in that too, right? And it’s not about getting them to change to the things that my wife and I are interested in. Yeah, it’s if anything, how can we adapt, know and support and encourage what they’re interested in? Because I do believe. Whatever you’re interested in, you can be successful at.
Darren: Yeah, I agree 100 per cent
Greg: And success can be defined a number of different ways, but you can if you can monetize it like whatever you’re interested in, you can find it can be monetized whatever you’re interested in. You can be successful at it. You can still have a family. You can still do whatever you’re there are successful people in every, every vocation. You know, that’s out there. So I just don’t want to limit them. So there’s only certain ways to be successful. As you touched upon. Get up. Go to work. Come home from work. Do the same thing over and over again. You know, get the gold watch retire a certain age. Do you know there’s? There’s a lot of different ways to be successful, including working for a company. Not everybody is built to be, you know, a boss or an entrepreneur, you know, either. I mean, if it were, all I’m saying is if it works for you, you great. Yeah. If it doesn’t, you don’t want to be. I just don’t think you want to spend a lot of time doing things that make you unhappy, you know, or just again chasing a paycheck or trying to fit somebody or something into a compartment because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Darren: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And and and the point that you made there about, you know, finding your authentic self, you know, for people listening to this, that might sound quite deep for kids that, you know, just 15 or 16. But I think it’s important that we, as fathers, as parents, we give them those tools so that they understand actually, they can be authentic. They don’t have to play to or be like the group or tribe that they’re with right now. Okay? It’s OK to move away or to do something different. And I think there’s a lot of power in giving that kids the understanding that they can actually be themselves because, you know, when they’re from the ages of 12 to about 16, they’re very much the herd mentality, right? It’s very much they want to be part of the gang, they want to be part of the tribe and they don’t want to be kind of an outcast to giving them those tools. Really, really, I think is a is a powerful thing to have.
Greg: And a lot of times we don’t have a lot of control over that or even our kids don’t have a whole lot of control about what some of their surroundings are. I mean, they go to certain schools in certain areas around certain kids. And yeah, it may not be the tribe’s fault or their fault. Its just not a great fit at this stage of their of their lives. You know, they get put in these different classes in different subjects. Some are going to resonate greater, greater than others, you know, that are there. And I think it’s twofold. One about again, encouraging them to embrace curiosity and possibility and that there are there’s a world of options that are out there that also the group, the school, whatever you’re with right now doesn’t have to necessarily be the one that you’re with for the rest of your life. But at the same time, you know, we as parents have to help them navigate. All of these possibilities and curiosities, and maybe help them put it in a funnel, you know, so that you can narrow it down so that they also don’t get lost in possibility and curiosity. Right. And never get down to what you talked about earlier. Focus. Consistency. Yeah. Time management, productivity versus busyness, you know. Right. Paralysis by analysis like all the things that we wrestle with as adults. And maybe I’m just as I said before, I always say this like, I’m a slow learner and maybe a late bloomer, you know there. So I wish I had a lot of that guidance when I was younger and along the way, because here’s the other thing we are living longer, better, healthier than ever before. So like, what’s the rush also?
Darren: Yeah, yeah.
Greg: Like, take a little bit more time if you need to to get it right. Yeah, you. You can switch a major, you know, you can take a gap year. You can wait a little bit longer and try to marry the right woman, you know. You don’t want to get married and have children with the wrong woman. You know, you can really, you know, what’s the rush? I mean, I talk about midlife, and now we may be just changing the entire definition. I don’t know where it starts anymore, right? Yeah. If we’re going to live to one hundred, it’s pretty soon, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Mean the right way? Well, then where’s midlife? Did we just move? We just move it to 50? You know, if people are saying, you know that, you know? Forty is the you know, who knows. You know, they change it every couple of years and I’ve got really old guys in their thirties and I got really young guys in their fifties and sixties. Yeah, yeah. So who knows? I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily the number. I think it’s more of a mindset.
Darren: Yeah, yeah. I think I think that’s so key. I think I definitely think it definitely is a mindset. It’s midlife is wherever you determine it to be on how you’ve chosen to live your life, I think. And yeah, 100 per cent, we are going to be living to over 100. But yeah, I mean, coming back to the kids again. And obviously, you know, where would you say that they’ve picked up from you, Greg in again coming back to the way that you structure your life, the way you’re very decisive and, you know, intentional about how you live your life, would you say that your boys have kind of picked up from you? Or have you intentionally kind of shown them various different things on the way that you structure your life that maybe that they’ll pick up someday?
Greg: I think it’s both. I think we go through periods where we try to force things, you know, as parents. Yes. And I certainly have gone through some of those periods where I know better. And I’m going to tell you what is better and you should do what is better, right? And then I think we realize sometimes that that approach is not always the best one. Yeah. Now, as long as they’re safe, you know, right? Like, let’s set safety on the shelf. Like, Listen, if you’re going to hurt yourself, I’m going to step in. No matter what, if I can see this before it happens and it’s going to go horribly wrong. Yes, OK, I’m going to try to step in there, but I do think it’s important to let them make mistakes and let them fail. You know, whether it’s the blessings of a skinned knee or not trying to be the helicopter or bulldozer parent that is out there? And then I also feel like be leading by example is effective in regards that. I didn’t force, you know, and I try and I don’t force my kids to exercise per se, we don’t designate specific homework times for that. We don’t demand they eat certain foods or they can’t move on from here until they do this right.
Greg: We leave a lot of open space, I think, in our parenting, you know, between my wife and I. Right. But we also try to conduct ourselves in a certain way that hopefully they are paying attention to it and seeing it. So over time, maybe the gravitational pull is you’ll join me in the garage for a workout or what actually also happens sometimes is their friends might be interested in certain things that my wife and I are doing right and my kids don’t think it’s cool because we’re mom and dad right then. But wait a minute, some of their friends might be noticing certain things. And then it becomes somewhat interesting or attractive to them in certain ways. So I think it’s a combination of all of those things. I think it’s about putting your mistakes out there publicly, too, so that they know that you screw up because you’re vulnerable, that you’re transparent, about things that you work to practice what you preach. Also, yeah, if I’m telling them eat a certain way or don’t drink this or don’t do that, and then I’m sitting at the head of the table doing the exact opposite of what I’ve told them to do. I- that’s not a good look. No, you know what I mean? You know, you know what I mean? So you know, when it comes to to the kids, you know, I think what they see is what they absorb.
Greg: At least my kids are very visual. Right? And if they see me working, you know, at the dining table with the laptop open or they see me filming or recording, you know, something like this, I try to do things with the door open as often as possible, OK, and invite them in. Yeah. Hey, I’m talking to Darren. Darren, you know, it’s evening time, you know, over there in the UK, and here’s what we’re talking about or take a look at this logo or this guy said this. Or did you ever consider? Mm-hmm. Would you be interested in something like this, maybe for work? Or why are you taking that class versus that class for this? They like they seem to like examples, right? They seem to like practical skills, and they seem to like storytelling in regards to. Oh, that’s possible. Like, that’s interesting, boy, that guy did that. Yeah, I didn’t know you could do that, right? Or somebody said that, but I wasn’t sure that was the case. Let’s dig a little deeper into those areas.
Darren: Yeah. And you mentioned there about failure. And I think that this is, you know, a really interesting topic. And I heard a phrase a few weeks ago from a psychologist who said that actually, we don’t fear failure. What we actually fear are the ramifications of failure. Right? We don’t actually fear failure itself. So how do you? Because in that, definitely in the UK school system, it’s very much about, you know, success, accomplishment and not and not focusing too much on failure, where my view is that we need to fail, like we need to fail to understand what we need, what we’re lacking in terms of knowledge on what we did wrong or what we can do better. So what’s your view on on on failure?
Greg: I think failure makes for the best education. I think it makes for the most interesting content, quite frankly. Yeah. I don’t know how many how many episodes have you done now of this podcast?
Darren: I think we’re up to about one hundred and twenty now.
Greg: Ok? How many success stories do you remember versus how many failure stories do you remember?
Darren: Yeah, right
Greg: From the guests that come on, what are the guys want to talk about? Mostly. Yeah, we want to talk about the failures, quite frankly, when you give them a platform and an opportunity because again, it’s back to the why and the how, you know, it’s easy to understand the why. Yeah, I get why you want to change your job. I get why you want to travel more. I get why you want to execute well, what gets lost in that? A lot of the time? And I sound like a broken record. Here is the how. But how are you going to accomplish that? How are you going to do it or and you get, how did you do it actually? And the how? Brings out a lot of these failures, too. Well, here are the mistakes I made. Here’s where it went horribly wrong. Here’s where it cost me a lot of money. Here’s where it almost cost me my health. Here’s what almost cost me my marriage. Here’s where it cost. And these failures, or I don’t even know if failures, is often the right word. But these occurrences, right? It did not go the way we would have scripted them, you know, to go. Yeah. Mistakes were made or things just didn’t work well. What did we learn from them? And was the other saying I was like, OK, you either fail, you learn, you know, or something like that.
Greg: Well? Or you either succeed or you learn or something. But there’s no true failure because if you actually are open to learning from what happened, you won’t repeat it at least again. Yeah, in there. So my take on failure is to own it. I know my take on your mistakes is is to own it and embrace it as best you can. And also, the more you talk about it, the more you own it, the more you put it out there, the less anybody else can poke holes in it till right and come at you. It’s kind of like, you can’t really make fun of me for being bald when I’ll literally talk to you about being bald all the time. Yeah, like it doesn’t, you know, whether it’s a defence mechanism or not, it’s similar. I think with mistakes and with failures, it’s yes, you can rip me a new one for that failure or that mistake or that thing. Ok, that’s really about you. I’ve already owned that one. I’m not arguing with you about it, OK? I already like, yeah, I know I feel badly enough about it. Yes, I got it wrong. I made the mistake. You know, it’s the same with our kids. I own it. Acknowledge it, learn from it and get past it.
Darren: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I think, yeah, I think it’s very important. I think the failure, in actual fact, is not learning from it, right? That’s the failure and not acknowledging that it didn’t go or the outcome wasn’t as you expected. And then just shrugging your shoulders and then just continuing, right? It’s understanding why it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it.
Greg: Totally. And here’s that you may not know it at the time, either, right? Like, you may not know it at the time that actually that was a failure or that was a mistake or a misstep and maybe gets pointed out to you later or again, maybe. You just realized later you’ve grown matured, you’ve gotten into different areas, and while I’m not a big fan of looking backwards, I mean, we have to learn from what’s happened in the past in order to be better in the future and then, as I said, kind of let it go and get back to moving forward. But this happens quite frequently, too. You know, as you are growing and your change going. Yeah, that wasn’t good. Yeah, I didn’t I didn’t handle that well, yeah, well or something will be saying, you know what? That would have been a much better way to have handled that situation or have had that conversation or that I made that decision. Hmm. Yeah. To do it. And there are certain situations and things in environments in life where we brush off failure very, very easily. Yep. And move on to the next thing. And there are others where we can’t get out of our own way or get past this for very long periods of time.
Greg: I use the gym as a metaphor a lot just because, you know, it’s an area where I’m comfortable, but also one where. If we operated in day to day life like out more like we do sometimes in the gym, yeah, how much better off would we be meaning like, you know, you could. I could throw a weight on the bar and go for that personal best or that I could fail at that moment or that rep or whatever you drop the bar, you laugh it off and you move right back on. You know, it’s like if I could put some business things behind me, like as quickly as that. Yeah, I’d be light years down the road if I could put, let’s say, arguments with my wife behind me. Like, that’s like or stuff again with the kids, you know, how you let go and approach missteps, mistakes, failures, confrontations, any of these things. You know, that’s. That’s really a tremendous exercise, and that’s and those are muscles that have to be flexed and exercised more than the ones in the gym. Yeah, that’s where a lot of the time needs to be spent.
Darren: Yeah, definitely. That is a great analogy, isn’t it failing a personal best, a rep in the gym with the bar and stuff like that? And like you say, if we could only just get that in our mindset in life, you know, where could we get to? What could we achieve? I think it’s yeah, it’s a great analogy. So great based on obviously your experience, bringing up your kids and obviously setting an example. What kind of five things would you give to guys and does listen to this what based on your experience, you would say, right? If I was 20 year old Greg about to be a father, these were the five things that we would really love to known, man.
Greg: It’s a great question. We could probably do five thousand and I now struggle at the same time to come up with just with just five because again, there are so many and there are so many men that can add so much to this conversation. You know, one you know, my father was 47 when he passed away, right? So I was 17. My middle brother was 14. My youngest brother was 8. Ok, so my first piece of advice is. Time is the one thing you can’t make more of. Right? Ok, so prioritize your family, prioritize your kids. Those are moments, you know, you don’t want to miss those moments. And while ideally all of us are going to live wonderfully long and healthy lives. Mm hmm. You know, nobody ever thinks it’s going to happen to them, you know, until it does. So make the most of the time that you have. Don’t miss those birthday parties, don’t miss those games, don’t miss those nights at school or whatever that you know you. You’re going to swap maybe being the first one into the office in the last one to leave, you know, every, every once in a while. So that would be my first piece of advice, right? My second. Hmm. Don’t take it so seriously.
Darren: Yeah, that’s a good one.
Greg: I yeah, parenting is tough, right? Parenting is tough and it’s challenging and their are responsibilities to parenting. But being a dad, that’s easy and fun, right? Like, don’t take it, so don’t take it so seriously. They don’t have to be little perfect adults so quickly. Right? Little mirror images of you. You know, like, right there. So don’t take it so seriously. The third one. Don’t forget your wife. True, we get so caught up in being dads or being parents and like divide and conquer, you know, in the household, especially when you have more than one kid and it’s like, Wait a minute. Divide. Can I say it all the time to catch myself saying, no,. Be more together. Right? Don’t Divide. Really focus on being more together. Yeah. And don’t forget your wife. Don’t forget dating your wife in the process. Don’t forget locking those kids out of your room. Whatever like you need that you have to have that too. And your kids will be better, better off, you know, for it also. They come in for don’t force it , you know, like what we talked about before. Don’t force. If they’re not into it, they’re not into it, right? Mm-hmm. But what things happen, I try different things if they’re not interested in the sport or the art or the food or.
Greg: Rather than force that. Work on broadening maybe the canvas, you know, like find what they are interested in. Yeah. And encourage and embrace that because whatever lights them up, thats what you want to, that’s what you want to find. And then. And the last one is also still about going back to us too like. Have more fun like fun gets lost in a lot of this equation, and I know that it’s like the sixth f in my in the, you know, my methodology and I toyed with it a lot of even including that word because of the connotations that it could be immature now and it could be, you know, how do you define, you know, fun or midlife is not supposed to be fun or even earlier on, we’re talking about like, don’t forget to have fun. In all of this, too. And because again, your kids notice that and fun doesn’t have to be irresponsible. No, no, either. So, you know, those would be five. There’s more stuff that goes, you know, racking through my brain. But if I had to go back to it and I think I was in my upper 20s and my wife was in her early 30s, I married an older woman only when we had our first child. Just breathe through those things.
Darren: Yeah, I think, yeah, you know, the fun thing is so important and it kind of gets overlooked and like you say, the connotations around the word fun. But because we, you know, we become very responsible parents. We’re very concerned about, you know, providing and upbringing and doing the right thing. We do lose that ability to have fun and be silly, not irresponsible, but just having fun, having a laugh, you know?
Greg: It creeps up on you. It creeps up on all of us. And before you know it, you go, what? Like, when did this become me? You know? Or you look around at all these other guys and you go when you look and then. Wait a minute, that’s actually me, too, like, you know, like we’re the same age like where did this and you just go how did this did this happen? You know, overall, absolutely. And you know, we keep taking this back to things that we talked about before because the reality is it’s all connected. You know, these things are all they’re all connected again, the family and the finance and the fitness. And I really believe that they’re all connected and at different parts and different times of your life. Certain sections or areas will take priority over others. Well, yeah, there will be a point in your life as a young parent that your fitness falls off. Yeah, I’ll show you pictures of me. You wouldn’t believe they were me. Yeah, because the high priority at that point was not fitness. Not saying I let myself completely go off the rails . No, OK, but I sure as shit wasn’t winning any physique competitions, you know, back then or paying it. But raising two young boys trying to be a good husband, trying to make some money and provide and do so at that point.
Greg: Fitness became, you know, maybe a B or a C, you know, right? Wasn’t failing in my ass, but it was not exactly an a, either. Yeah. So again, back to not taking things too seriously and prioritizing and getting back to the calendar and time management and continuing to date your wife and saying no to things that are not really serving you and saying yes to the things that are if I would have gone back then. You know, I would have been much more on top of all of those things of giving so much away there, you don’t have to be friends with every one of the families that your kid is friendly with. You don’t have to be involved in all of the same hobbies or clubs or go to that dinner or that event. You can go to the school and leave the school, OK. I mean, you have more choices in the way that you think and if you operate. From a position of kind of strength and authenticity and integrity and also transparency, there you can design a life that is very personal, it’s very purposeful and very applicable to you and your family and that that’s what actually matters, not what everybody else is looking at or seeing or what may work for them or for their family.
Darren: Yeah, definitely. And I think that is a great note to end on Greg. And you know, being authentic, being you is really, really key and often one, which, yeah, we tend to overlook. So yeah, I mean, thanks very much for coming on again today. It was really great to reconnect and speak to you again. Can you tell some of our listeners what’s going on with midlife male at the moment? I know you’ve got lots of good stuff going on.
Greg: Yeah, thank you for asking. So the new season in the Midlife Male podcast is starting the week of October 4th, so we’ve got some incredible guests, that are coming up. We’re right smack now in the middle of our best of series. So if you haven’t been listening, subscribe to the podcast. Wherever you find podcasts, just look up Midlife Mail or Greg Scheinman. But the new season is kicking off soon and I’m super, super excited if I look at my board. I mean, we’ve got guys like Bobby Maximus that are coming on. Darren Jones, Craig Kessler. I mean, wow, I just had Dr. Mike Simpson on. I mean, we’re talking about everything from sustainability, longevity, super successful entrepreneurs that have been involved in some, some big financial deals and health and wellness. I’m super stoked for the season, so subscribe to that. The newsletter also is out every Sunday, so that’ll get dropped in your inbox. You can go to Gregscheinman.com And subscribe to that and really just find me on Instagram. Yeah. And then you can link to all of this stuff I gave you. I should have just started there to Instagram @GregScheinman, and you can find all this other stuff that’s going on and then getting ready to put the book out. I think it’ll be, yeah, it’ll be out in January. So thank you for having me. It’s always great to catch up with you. And if there’s anything I can do to help down for it,
Darren: Yeah, awesome. Thank you very much again. Yeah, guys, go and check out Greg’s Instagram because he does keep it real. As much as you look, it looks a perfect, curated life. Greg does drop some real good value bombs out there in terms of reality and the general struggles. So I’m really looking forward to your book, Greg. I is it on preorder at all or no?
Greg: You can download my free guide right now. Kind of just a couple of initial chapters and some things that are in the book. You can download the free No BS guide to maximizing mid life again. Just click Find Me on Instagram. You can click to the link, download your free copy and then as soon as the full book is available, I’m certainly going to let you guys and everybody know about it.
Darren: Perfect. All right, great. Well, take care and I’ll look forward to catching up with you soon.
Greg: Take care. Have a good night. Thanks, DarrenDarren: Thanks for listening to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please hit subscribe and I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on iTunes or other things mentioned in the episode will be in the show notes, and a full transcription is over at Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast.