Darren Kirby

Episode 105 – ‘I know what I’m doing’ Common Mistakes Dads Make with Darren Kirby

Episode Highlights

00:01:59 Common mistakes people make
00:03:36 Exercise alone will not get you where you want to get to
00:05:06 Find a Coach
00:06:43 Fitness Element
00:09:45 Eating nutrient-dense food
00:11:15 Importance of having a plan

Links

Transcript

Welcome to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast, where you can learn how to improve your diet, lose fat and get fitter in a sustainable and fun way without spending hours in the gym. Here’s your host, Darren Kirby.

Darren: Welcome back to the podcast, guys. This is the number one podcast for men in their 40s who want to improve their fitness and health. In today’s episode, we are going to be speaking about the common mistakes that I see most guys working with. And the common phrase that I hear is I know what I’m doing. So we’re really going to delve into that today and understand some of the common mistakes that people make and how you guys can avoid them. But before we delve into today’s episode, I just want to take a moment to mention the show’s podcast sponsors, and that is Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens is a superfood supplement, if you can call it that. And it is essentially an insurance policy to make sure that you are getting all of the vitamins and minerals that you need in your diet to ensure that you are as healthy as you possibly can be. Now, as many of you know, I am a huge advocate of making sure that we get all of our vitamins and minerals from our diet, but for various different reasons. That is not always possible, whether it’s food quality or whether it’s just the general busyness of life. So I use athletic greens on a daily basis to make sure that I’m getting all the vitamins and minerals I need. And athletic greens are offering the show’s listeners a 10 percent discount off of their first order. So if you go over to www.athleticgreens.com/fitterhealthierdad and you can get 10 percent off your first order.

So let’s delve into the topic about today. And that is I know what I’m doing and the common mistakes that I see people making really and really this does apply to most men and I’m guilty of this. Lot of the clients are guilty of this until they realize that they are making the mistake and they’re not getting the results that they want. So unfortunately, we are driven by our ego. And men like to know or like to think they know exactly what they’re doing. And so when you decide that perhaps you are not in the shape that you want to be, maybe you’re getting a breath plan with the kids in the park or at work. If you’ve got a menu, a menu is a menu job, should I say. And you decided you want to make that change instinctively as men we gravitate towards. Well, we just need to exercise. Right. So I will either join a gym or go running. We’ll find something free on YouTube and we’ll smash our hard work out because we are wired to think that if we absolutely punish ourselves, that that’s a good thing. And I’m getting fitter. And yes, you may be getting fitter. That is correct. But if your objective, as many guys over 40 are, is to reduce your weight, to reduce fat, to get leaner.

Darren: Exercise alone will not get you where you want to get to, unfortunately. And you can run as much as you like. You can run marathons, you can do triathlons, you can do any kind of obstacle course racing, all of that good stuff, which is really valuable from a fitness standpoint. But it won’t necessarily get you to where you want to be from a weight standpoint or fatness standpoint. And so. I would suggest having a check in with yourself and this will be very difficult in terms of your ego, because we don’t often recognize that we are driven by ego, but we absolutely are psychology states. It shows you in many, many different studies. And so I would advocate just kind of taking a step back and understanding exactly what it is you want to achieve from the activity you’re participating in and actually look for help, look for guidance, look for somebody who has already done and achieved what you want to do and ask them. You know, we do often think that we know it when we just don’t. It’s impossible, right? You know, you don’t have an Olympic athlete who decides that he’s going to go and win a gold medal in Tokyo for argument’s sake, and then just goes out and does his own thing. They have coaches, psychologists have nutritionists.

Darren: They have a team of people. Look at the year, look at the guys, the England team that’s done an outstanding job in the Euros. They have a coach, Gareth Southgate, but they have an immense amount of backroom staff that are looking at their psychology. They are looking at their nutrition and looking at their habits. So what my point about this is, is trying to step out of your ego. Just try and step back from your ego and find somebody or someone who has already done what you want to do and follow that or get them to coach you. So that’s that’s the first thing really I want to talk about is, you know, just finding help, finding somebody that’s already done what you want to do and putting your ego down if you’ll get there’ll be some guys listening to this who will be what? I have an ego. You absolutely do. 100 percent as men are driven by it more than we like to admit and more than we like to realize. So that’s one of the first common mistakes. I say we let our ego get in the way of getting the results or getting to the level of health that we want to get to. And then secondly, and this is probably more common than not. And that is it kind of leads on from the last point. And that is everybody thinks they know what to do. And what I mean by that is, you know, like I just said, you think you can just go running or you can go to a gym or you can do a class or you can look at something on YouTube.

Darren: But there’s many different elements to fat loss, weight loss, toning up. And the fitness element is just one piece of that puzzle. The biggest piece on which I always focus on when I’m coaching guys and guys that are inside our app, and that is nutrition. Nutrition is very highly underestimated and under considered when you are looking at losing fat and losing weight. And unfortunately, the way that society has evolved is that we have lost or are losing the ability to understand what real food and nutrition is. And I don’t necessarily mean you need to go down the organic route. You need to go down the vegan route and all those other kinds of eating modalities, as I call them. I mean, just eating real nutrient dense food. And there’s some really basic principles and fundamentals that we follow, particularly around the metabolism element in the T 40 method. The first and most basic principle is to reduce your portion sizes. We eat and I’ve said this so many times on this podcast before we eat way too much. Our plates are way too big for our activity levels. Now it’s a different story. If you are what’s known as an age group or athlete, you might be doing marathons, you might be doing obstacle course racing, you might be competing and cross it.

Darren: That’s a different story. And portion sizes need to be relative to your activity levels. But in general, guys, over forty, we just eat way too much and our metabolisms aren’t what they used to be when we were twenty five, twenty six. And we could eat and drink whatever we liked and we didn’t have any impact. So nutrition is a big one. So portion sizes are the first place to start. So reducing your portion sizes, we don’t need to eat the amount that we eat in the frequency that we eat in the UK alone, particularly, has evolved to become this kind of snacking culture, if you like. We have an abundance of access to food, whether it’s through supermarkets, whether it’s through online takeaway apps and things like that. Now we have twenty four hour supermarkets so we can get food at pretty much any time of the day, but we just don’t need it and the body needs a rest from continuing eating. So the next thing within nutrition to keep it really simple and what I said before is eating nutrient dense food and what that means is eat food as close to its original form as you can. So to give you an example, don’t buy processed microwave food because that food has had to go through a process in order for it to exist in the form it does now.

Darren: And they have to add certain additives and e numbers and stuff that really we shouldn’t be consuming if we want to consider our health. And so instead of that, make food from scratch and there’ll be a lot of moaning and groaning. Listen to the podcast all the time. It’s really no different, in all honesty, to stick in a microwave meal in either the oven or a microwave. You can cook nutrient dense food in 15 to 20 minutes. A good, really nice, good meal. It will taste better. It will be better for you. And it would be way, way cheaper as well. So spend a bit of time. I spend a bit of time every Sunday planning our menu or what we’re going to eat for the week. Then it becomes simple. It becomes unconscious. You know what you’ve got in the supermarket. You know what you’ve got in the cupboard, you know what you’re eating every night. And that just those two things alone will have a fundamental difference in your weight, in your fat, just by changing portion sizes and eating nutrient dense food. So it’s not just as simple as doing one thing. So you’ve decided you want to get healthier, you’ve decided you want to get fitter. And so you gravitate. We naturally gravitate towards your exercise element, whereas the nutrition side of it is bigger and more important than the exercise element.

Darren: I’m not saying don’t do one or the other. I’m saying if you’re going to start anywhere, start with nutrition. It affects how sleep affects our stress levels. You know, there’s the gut brain connection where, for example, serotonin, which is a happy hormone. Ninety five percent of that exists in the gut. So if you’re feeling your gut, we take away food, inflammatory, those inflammatory fats, additives, preservatives. What do you think is going to happen to your serotonin levels in your gut? Therefore, what do you think is going to happen to the inflammation in your brain? The obvious answer is that it’s going to get worse. You’re not going to feel great. You might feel great when you’re consuming the food because you’ve got the dopamine receptors kicking off. And so it feels quite nice. It’s very tasty, but afterwards you won’t feel so good. So just paying attention to the types of food you’re eating is very, very valuable and very, very important. So that’s the second thing. And then the third thing I want to talk about is having a plan. So many people start on Monday. You’re there at the weekend. You’ve had a lovely meal with friends and family, and you’ve overeaten and, you know, you’ve written and you feel uncomfortable and you write on Monday, I’m going to do X. It can be cut down on alcohol.

Darren: It could be cut down on food. It could be, you know, going out for a run or whatever. The problem with that is that life gets in the way and work is very demanding, family life is very demanding, home life is very demanding, and we often don’t have a plan. And as many people listen to this podcast, you know, in your employment, in your career, there’s lots of planning that goes on. Why does that happen? That happens to ensure that whatever you are striving for, the outcome is achieved. So why don’t we do that with our health and fitness? Because let’s be honest with you. If you let it get to the point where you know you are in poor health, there is a small chance, a very small chance that you won’t be able to recover. And so making sure you’re planning to make sure you achieve the outcome or desired outcome you want to achieve is really, really important. And again. It may sound like a little bit over the top overcomplicate, it doesn’t have to be it has to be very simple or we need to do is put a few entries into your calendar, some recurring appointments with yourself, that you are going to either cook on a specific day and what you’re going to cook or you’re going to go and do whatever work is you want to do at a particular time in the day. Science is very clear on this.

Darren: When we have something planned, we are more inclined to actually carry it out. For example, if you book a dentist appointment, you always get a little reminder. You get a text message, right? So you’re more inclined to not forget and go to it. Same thing with exercise. Same thing with diet. Right. And the problem with a lot of guys that I work with is that you come to me and they know how to do the fitness. They don’t necessarily understand a bit about nutrition, but they’re not getting the results. And why are they not getting the results? Because they don’t have a plan. And more importantly, they don’t have any accountability. So they don’t have someone. Checking up on them and checking in with them and making sure they’re sticking to what they said they’re going to do, so you can quite easily do that. You don’t necessarily need a coach. You could get a friend to do it right and you could just whatsapp each other. Have you done your training today? Have you done this food today? How are you getting to hold each other accountable? And coming back to the first point that I made about ego icemen, the ego kicks in and if you’re doing it with a friend, you’ll be way more competitive because I mean, you may or may not have that competitive streak in you, but you won’t want to let that friend down and the ego will kick in and it will keep us on track.

Darren: And if I’ve got to watch Matt, for example. On Monday evening to say that I’ve done this, I don’t want to be an idiot and I don’t want to be the one that’s set Sakti off and I’m not done. I don’t want to let myself down because I don’t want to look silly. Right. And that’s all the ego that’s driving us to having a plan and having an accountability partner is really, really key. So, you know, these are the three most common mistakes that I come across. You know, it’s ego. It’s letting our ego get in the way. It’s letting us think that we know more than we actually do, which prevents us getting the results. And you have to ask yourself if you know what to do and you know how to do it. Why haven’t you got the results up until this point? I can bet your bottom dollar it’s probably your ego getting in the way. And then secondly, it’s that nutrition is not just about exercise. Nutrition is fundamental to a lot of things that we do not just for fitness, but just general overall health. And it’s widely known now being widely reported in the media, thankfully. And science is obviously backing this up, that our lifestyle choices, our food choices are fundamental to our underlying health. And then, number three, life gets in the way and having a plan and having something to stick to, having an accountability partner or coach who makes sure you stick to what you’ve agreed to do and what you want to achieve, make sure you’re on track to achieve that.

Darren: And then once you’ve achieved what you’ve set out to do, whether that’s losing weight or taking part in a specific event, you don’t have to then go as hard as you were in the beginning because you would have got to a certain level and then you can just go into a bit of a maintenance plan. But again, still having a plan and making sure that you’re sticking to it because life does get in the way. So that was a sure podcast that I hope that helps. Yeah. And we all say we know what we’re doing, but we don’t all necessarily know exactly what that is. And I would say just put your ego to one side and follow those three points. And yeah, you definitely get some results. So thanks very much for joining me on today’s show episode, and I look forward to speaking to you again soon.

Thanks for listening to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please hit subscribe. And I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on iTunes. All the things mentioned in the episode will be in the show notes and a full transcription is over at fittherheathierdad.com

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