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Larry Hagner

Episode 41 – How to be the best dad with Larry Hagner from Good Dad Project

 

Episode Highlights 

00:01:52 – Staying fit during this lock down period
00:03:07 – Good Dad Project background
00:06:12 – Unexpected side effects or benefits of the Good Dad Project
00:08:41 – Different elements that the Good Dad Project is focusing on
00:12:14 – Side benefits for following the Good Dad Project methodology
00:17:16 – Catalyst  of Good Dad Project that made people start engaging with them
00:23:09 – Where to find more information  about Good Dad Project
00:27:02 – Common ages that people engages in the Good Dad Project community
00:28:36 – Common areas that men want to improve
00:29:49 – Guidance and programs that Good Dad Project gives support with.
00:35:13 – Different varieties of shows for the podcast per week
00:38:35 – 5 Key actions  on how to improve their different areas  of life.


Links

Transcript

Welcome to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast, where you can learn how to improve your diet, lose fast and get fitter in a sustainable and fun way without spending hours in the gym. Here is your host, Darren Kirby.

Darren: Welcome back to the podcast, guys. This is the number one podcast with dads in their 40s who want to improve their health and fitness. This is episode 41. And joining me on today’s show is Larry Hagner now from the Good Dad Project. There’s no manual for being a dad. And the mission of the Good Dad project is support and help dads to leave a legacy of leadership, love, connection and positive, lasting memories. The goal is to give you resources to help you be the best you can be to enjoy the journey of fatherhood.

Darren: Hi, Larry. Thanks very much for joining me on the podcast today. How are you? I’m doing well, my friend. How are you doing? Yes, very well, thank you. And obviously, we’re in, we’re in very strange times right now. So how is it all on, on your side?

Larry: I mean, it’s, it’s probably pretty much it is over there, across across the pond as well. Just a little crazy. Everybody, you know, is pretty much quarantined on lockdown. So. Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s what we’re dealing with.

Darren: Yeah, it’s. Yeah. Some strange times and one which we don’t know when it is going to improve, we’ll get better. But in the meantime, Larry, what, what kind of things are you doing to kind of keep our guest keep saying keep fit during, this, this lockdown period? Have you got any kind of, kind of new, new, new normals in place?

Larry: Yeah. You know, I, I, I’m basically training at home now. So what I’ve been doing, though, lately is I’ve been doing a lot of just a lot of sprints and that kind of thing.

I, I, work out and so I do a lot of cardio and sprint work and that kind of thing at the high school. That’s like literally a quarter mile from my house. So I’ll go there early in the morning. I’ll hit that really hard and then I will, I’ll train in my garage later that day. So, we luckily we’ve got a pretty simple setup and we’ve got some kettlebells. We’ve got some dumbbells. You can just put in, you know, different weights and we’ve got a pull up bar and stuff like that. So, it’s just mostly training at home.

Darren: Yeah.

Yeah. I mean it is perfect isn’t it really. I think that, you know, providing you have a little bit of space and you know, if you if you’ve got some equipment, great. But even if you don’t have the equipment, there’s lots of different variations that you can do in order to keep active. And just to kind of keep that, that energy level up and not get stagnant. So, yeah, that sounds amazing. So in terms of yourself, Larry, and the good that project for the listeners that haven’t come across you before, can you give us some background on yourself, on how you came to start Good Dad Projects and what type of things you do? 

Larry: For sure. You know, I started the Good Dad Project back in 2012. It really came out of a low point. And just, you know, how I was showing up for my own kids just I was just in a really bad spot.

I was just trying to navigate fatherhood and being a husband all my own. And I just I just had a really hard time with it. So I, you know, pretty much started a blog just from my own education and just my own public accountability that I wanted to do something different and be different and be better. And. And then it blossomed into the podcast in 2015. And I’ve been part know this month that the podcast is actually five years old. So it’s been going strong ever since.

Darren: Congratulations. Is that by no mean feat to get a podcast to go for that long? So in terms of, you know, you said obviously you wanted to show up, but A, you want to be a better father and all the rest of it. So at that point when you started the blog, you know, what kind of things did you do? Because presumably at that point you were stuck, right. You didn’t really know where to go. So it was a case of kind of fact finding and finding out for yourself to kind of how are you going to improve?

Larry: That’s exactly what it was. It was really just a surrender of ego, you know, of really just trying to be like, hey, I’m tired of doing this on my own. I’m tired of saying everything is good and fine and fine and good.

And I just wanted to be. I just want to be better. I just had that. I just had a tremendous hunger. You better. I just didn’t know what it looked like and I didn’t know how to do it. So the podcast really just gave me an excuse to talk to people who are much smarter than me. It still gives me that excuse, which I, which I really appreciate and I welcome that. So that’s, that’s where it’s been for, for me.

Darren: Yeah, I’d say. It was obvious you went on this, I guess, a bit of a self-discovery journey, didn’t you, to kind of really understand the areas of life in which, you know, you wanted to improve and perhaps areas of life that you hadn’t considered where you need to prove improve. I mean, you mentioned ego. You know, we’re all driven by our ego. But many, I think particularly dads kind of around the midlife issue, like their 40s is often a very 

hard thing to recognize in order to kind of set that ego aside, to decide that you are going to change and you are going to improve because you become very set in your ways, don’t you, sir? How difficult was that?

Larry: You know, it was, it was pretty difficult at first time. You know, I’m not gonna lie. It was. It was definitely humbling, but it was. It’s exactly what needed to be done.

Darren: Yeah. Yeah. And as a result of that, you know, how, how long was it taken for you to improve things and what have been that kind of unexpected side effects or benefits as a result of you going on this, on this journey?

Larry: I would say awareness has been number one, awareness of I can feel like I can see things, you know, before they happen as far as like, you know, emotional, emotional bandwidth, emotional space. I know the things that trigger me. I know the things that are even before they happen, like I know that they’re coming, you know. And so it allows me to understand, like, hey, what’s about to happen here? What’s at play here? How can I maybe avoid it? You know, how can I be better about it? So just several different ways. It’s kind of opened my eyes to just doing things different.

Darren: Yeah. Yeah, I think I think that that kind of introspection, that understanding yourself is one which is is quite eye opening and it’s quite a can be very challenging at times, but equally it can be hugely rewarding. So with that, how much impact do you think that your changes had on your immediate family?

Larry: Mm hmm. I mean, I’m still married. I probably I probably otherwise wouldn’t be just being completely honest. You know, so that that’s obviously done well. I mean, as far as like temperate patients, it’s it’s gone above and beyond that. Like it’s really helped me with that. Dial that in. So the just the sheer enjoyment of being a father. It’s it’s really helped me with.

Darren: Right. Yeah.

I mean, it’s it’s a gift that I think that is an amazing gift. But also, you know, as you recognize sometimes that we can take that gift for granted. So, um, from obviously your own personal journey and transformation, I guess you could call it the good dad project is obviously growing significantly as a result. So the growth and kind of evolution of the good that project, has that been a conscious approach on your part? Or is it just kind of evolved as a result of you evolving?

Larry: I mean, I think it’s been a little bit of both. You know, it’s it’s evolved has as I has evolved, but it’s also just sort of taken on a mind and an animal all of its own as well.

Darren: Yeah. Yeah.

And then I’d say there’s lots of different elements within that project that you focus on. So can you. Can you share some of those for the listeners? Because you’ve got a quite good approach and structure.

Larry: Yeah. So I think everything that we do is based on what we call the five dimensions of being a husband, father, a man which are mastering your finances. It is number one. And these are these are no particular order, by the way. So mastering your finances is, one, creating a legendary marriage is another one optimizing your health, which obviously that’s that’s your wheelhouse. Optimizing your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual health is key. Make a lot of men really regret. They sidestepped that one. And that that’s just one. I firmly believe that we should never, ever sidestep, you know, the healthier we can be. And I’m not I’m not talking about healthier as in oh, you’ve got to have a six pack and no dad bod in order to be a good dad. That is not what I’m saying. What I am saying is you can selflessly serve from a full cup. You know, you can’t pour from an empty cup and you certainly can’t do it for long because that’s gonna be a recipe for absolute disaster. But if you’re taking care of your own health, you know, physical, mental, emotional health, you know, these these are skills and these are things that you’re going to be able to feed others around you serve and lead others profound more profoundly if you’re doing that yourself. And that is that is just so important.

Darren: Mm hmm. Yeah, I. And to relate to that, because I think that the way that I look at it is, is is is your is your health and nutrition is essentially a vehicle is a vehicle that enables you to to master all the other areas of your life. And I think that, you know, I I agree with what you’re saying. For me, it’s not about a six pack or or ascetics. So I think the ascetics part of being healthy and fit are side, I guess, a side benefit of doing that. I think for me, what actually happens is when you become fitter and healthy, you have more energy. You’re mitochondrial health, which is your energy, your little energy systems inside your cells are performing better. You have as as a as a human, you have much more clarity. You have a lot more resources available to you to be able to perform in all the other areas of life. You know, the five areas that you’ve mentioned to make sure that you can optimize and these, well, I mentioned these was optimizing recipes is not a case of you end up becoming this machine. You naturally have these resources and you instinctively want to optimize all areas of the life because you have the capacity to do that.

Larry: Exactly. Yeah. I mean, you’re able to. Like I always say, selflessly serve and a more profound level. If you can if you can give yourself that gift of taking care of yourself. Yeah.

Darren: Yeah. I’m what I’m what kind of impacts do you see in your community and overseeing your own north as well? Whereas a result of you, you know, in some ways you could be seen as being a little bit selfish, couldn’t it, because you want to optimize yourself. You want to make it kind of the best version of you. And some people could perceive that to be selfish. Is that what they might instinctively think, that that means you have to neglect other areas, but it doesn’t work like that. So what kind of side benefits have you seen the members of your community that they gotten out of the fight, kind of following your structure, your methodology?

Larry: Well, I think, number one, you you have to get out of your own way. I think that’s that’s that’s rule number one. You can’t you obviously can’t step in to being this, you know, better version of yourself unless you give yourself permission to do that.

And to be honest with you, just some men or not, they’re not ready yet. They’re not ready to do that just yet. So. Step number one is really just giving yourself permission to to give yourself that gift to invest in you. The other thing that I pride myself on is isolation is the enemy of excellence. And it’s unfortunate because so many men try to go at life all by themselves, just completely like, hey, I’m on the lone wolf. I can do this all my own. And I 

that is the wrong way to go. No one ever got to greatness. No one ever got to a fulfilling life by isolating themselves and not surrounding himself with the right people. Jim Rhône said it best that we are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with.

And if you’re spending your time with folks that drag you down, well, guess what? You have no choice. You’re gonna be dragged down right along with them. However, if you’re surrounding yourself with the right people that want to live, you know, a purpose driven life, a fulfilling life, one where you can create a legendary marriage, have a connection with 

your kids, have more patience, do the work that makes you come alive, take care of your health, because we all know that’s the right thing to do. Well, guess what? You’re going to do that as well. And the other thing, too, I think men really need is, is just they need habits. They need a map and they need accountability to do that.

We’ve been running a virtual mastermind now for the past four years. And it has just been it has worked wonders for men as far as create helping them create a vision and to literally go after it. So many I’ll finish with this. So many men. I I I truly, truly believe get it wrong. And I speak to this because I used to do the same thing. Men are very aware of what they feel, that what their shortcomings are, what what they what’s wrong with them, what they need to be, what they need to improve upon. And I’ll tell you, I think that’s the wrong way to go about it, because if you’re constantly trying to fix something that you think is broken, then that’s a treadmill. You’re just never going to get off. It just it’s just not going to happen.

However, if you can literally sit down, take a productive pause and really understand, like, look, I have one shot at life. I’ve got one shot at being a husband. I have one shot of being a father. So what am I going to do? What vision do I have at the end of my life? And I can look back and say, man, I did it, I did it. And sure, it was messy sometimes in course, I made mistakes, but overall, I knew exactly where I was going.

And I created habits and tactics. And I surround myself with the right people to help me live that vision and with in staying within those lanes and doing the things that I knew that would push that vision forward. And again, I don’t think there’s any broken men. I think that there’s a lot of men out there that just aren’t clear on what that looks like. And because so many men live isolated, they don’t have the community to to hold them accountable or when obstacles do come to further for them to lift them back up again and get them back on the road to that vision once again.

Darren: Yeah, I think this is very important. I think the point that you made around the habits and maps, you know, there’s so few people that actually have that map. There’s so few people that actually take the time to sit down, work out exactly what it is. They go towards I think what we perceive to be the norm. Right, the kindness, the social norm in terms of what you should do in life, you know that the classic follow the system of you go to school, you go to university, graduate, you get a job and that kind of thing instead of, like you said, stop them pausing and actually think. Yeah. Like you said, you’ve got one shot. So what do I want to make of this shot? And I recently had some think some kind of statistic whereby we actually all men actually plan their holidays and perhaps a grocery shopping more than they do what they want out of life. Right. Life just kind of happens as a result of then going through it. They don’t actually spend the time. So I think it’s yeah, I think what you said there is is really important. People should listen to that.

And so what what would you say, Larry, that that that causes people to get on board with a good dad project in the first place. What what is the catalyst that causes them to kind of search you guys out in the first place and start engaging?

Larry: That’s a really good question. And to be honest, I’ve got you know, I’ve had the opportunity over four years. So like, for instance, I mean, we’ve got a lot of podcast listeners out there that I do know. I see the downloads and when where they’re at and what countries and all that good stuff, I would say, if I could, we’ve had over the years well over 600 applications to come to life with us and the virtual mastermind that we’ve been doing. And if I go back and if I could just literally estimate for you why. Why are men eager to come to life with us?

It’s almost 80 percent of the time they want to create a legendary marriage. That’s that’s the first thing on their mind and heart is they want to get in there and create a good relationship with their with their wife. They want connection. They want conversation. They want communication. They they want a partnership. They want a friendship. They want intimacy. They want all those things. They want that excitement back into that marriage. And that’s what men truly, truly want.

The thing is, is that here’s the funny thing, you know, and Darren, you’ll appreciate this if you think about any profession in the world or anything. We are highly trained in that professional. I can’t imagine the police academy. You ever show up to the police academy after you’ve applied for it? I like yeah. Hey, there’s no more police academy. We don’t teach anybody be cops anymore. But you can go be a cop. And we’re just gonna give you a gun and a badge and a squad car. And you’re gonna go downtown and you’re going to hop in a car and go write tickets and fight crime and everything else. And you’ve never shot a gun. Right? That’s completely preposterous for us to believe that we would do that, however. 

That’s exactly what we do in marriage. You walk you walk down the aisle, you leave, you go on your honeymoon and people give you a pat on the back and a hug like, oh, we’re so happy for you.It’s awesome is the best time of her life. You’ll love it. And, you know, good times, bad times, things things will happen, but you’ll get through it. No, you know, marriage is a skill, just like being a cop is a skill. And you’ve got to learn and know the skill sets in order to execute it properly. And if you don’t, you’re it’s literally like getting in that squad car and firing that gun and trying to write the ticket and pull somebody over with zero training.

Darren: Mm hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I think the other analogy that I like to use is, well, it’s almost like somebody puts you in charge of a multimillion dollar company, OKC, you’re now the CEO of that company. You’ve got no instruction manual on how to run that company. And it’s almost like a man in life, isn’t it? Right. So you have a family, you have a marriage. You know, you, you have a job to do. You have things that you want to achieve in life, but no one’s given you that instruction manual.

And actually, no one ever in society gives you any advice to say, hey, look, you’re married now to really what you want to do is sit down and just how with your wife, where you want to go in life. How many times have you ever heard any conversations like that? And that’s why I think your community is, is so valuable, because you’re actually bringing that up to the surface and say, hey, look, if you want to live, you know, I know this is a bit cliche.

I think, you know, live your best life and all the rest of it. But essentially, that’s what we’re saying, isn’t it? We say, you know, let’s sit down and map out all areas of your life. And some people might think that that’s a little bit unnecessary, but it’s not easy. You know, if you like you like I just said about running a company, if you want a successful company, you have the map that you have to plan that. Otherwise you’re not going to achieve your ideal. And it’s the same thing in life. But all too often we just take this bit for granted.

Larry: I totally agree with that. Without a doubt.

Darren: So in terms of how you mean, you mentioned that, they, there’s an application process for people, that, that want to engage with you guys. And it is that the only way that some men can get involved, you guys? What’s that? What’s the process?

Larry: No, I mean, not at all. I mean, we’ve got, we’ve got all kinds of resources out there. So, I mean, if you go to the website goodadproject.com, we’ve got a variety of different resources on there that you can just download. We also, we also have a large Facebook group called Dadsasrealdadswithpurpose. And that men can just dove into that. I mean, that’s our, that’s our free Facebook group. And men can just literally, if you look at the correspondence on that thing like all day long, it is, it is amazing to see how men have just dove in and have helped each other out. And they’re asking questions about marriage and parenting and fitness and everything else. So it’s, it’s pretty awesome to see all the, all the amazing insights that men can take a part of. You can do that. You know, you can’t. Like I said, that. Yeah, the mastermind, we, we do require men to fill out an application for that. The reason being is because I want to get to know you as a man before, you know, before you come and do life with us. And I want to get to know, what is it about your, your life, your vision? What are you trying to create? What vision do you have and, and how what’s going on in the past as far as like, all the things that have fought you in the past? So anyway, that’s those are ways to get connected.

Darren: Okay. So in terms of, are you able to give us a bit of an insight as to how the mastermind works, how you approach the five different areas in the process you go through?

Larry: Yeah. So if men want to. If men are intrigued with the mastermind, all they have to do is go to gooddadproject.com/alliance. And on that on that landing page, I’ll give you some information about logistically how we run. But they fill out an application and then I set up a one to one call with them and we do a zoom Call or face to face and we get to know each other and get to know your background and which family looks like and what it is you really want to do. And as far as when men join, what happens is after they join, they go through just a quick onboarding process, which is more of an educational tutorial of like how does the mastermind run? Like how do they get him? How do they get to call teams? All that good stuff. We’ve got twenty six call teams that meet that meet on a weekly basis Sunday night through actually they’re running seven days a week right now with whole quarantine going on. But Sunday night through Sunday morning. And men can jump in to any call team that they that they want in those in a there’s even an opportunity for men to subscribe to the calendar once they’ve joined. So when they subscribe to our calendar, they see on their calendar every single call team that we do.

We have a leadership team of two men run each call team, which is pretty cool. So we have we have a team captain who runs the structure. We have a team commander who’s in charge of accountability. So if a man wants to be held accountable to do anything like literally anything, that commander on each team will be in charge of that.

The other thing, too, is the structure that we follow is, it, every mastermind that we do is about 60, 70 minutes long, give or take. And the structure is half of the mastermind is unstructured. I know it’s kind of odd, right. But, but, what we do is we call that whole portion of the mastermind. The more the peaks and valleys and peaks and valleys give, give men time and space to share what’s going on their life so they can get real time insight and strategy.

So if they’re like, hey, you know, hey, guys, I’m, I want to learn more, more skills, you know, around communicating and connecting with my wife right now. You know, scale 1 to 10, it’s a 5. We talk about how our day was life and all the good stuff. But I really want to get to know her again. What questions can I ask her that’s gonna help me feel more connected to her? That she’s going to feel more connected to me. We can increase our intimacy the whole nine yards and men will, you know, they’ll give strategy and advice and experiences. And so we have the calls that need them. And then the other half is spent on our agenda and the agenda changes every month.

So we’ll, you know, one month we’ll do the four elements of a legendary marriage. One, you know, one month we’ll do drama free discipline. Another month we’ll do mastering your finances.What we’ve done to date, I mean, we’ve had cash. What year is it? We’ve done probably 45, 50 different monthly agendas. And then we break it into weekly content for men to learn.

Darren: So it’s pretty all encompassing, isn’t it, in terms of the support that the. Men get in all the different areas, so and so, as you go through it, how long is the mastermind in terms, is that? Is it 12 months or is it less than that?

Larry: No. It’s pretty open. Men can stay as long as they want. They can leave when they want.

Darren: Right. So it’s just a continual, I guess, optimization and kind of discovery process that men go through. And I guess that makes sense. The fact that there’s no end, because obviously, you know, you go through different stages of life don’t you. And different things come up and, and challenges and directions that you want to go in. So is it. Is there a kind of a common age that, that guys get involved in or is it from 20s up to to 50s, 60s was supposed to kind of age.

Larry: Right now, our youngest guy is 21. He’s not even married. He doesn’t have kids. But, but he wanted to come to life with us because he wanted to learn. He would. And if you really look at what we do, I mean, yeah, it’s geared towards men who are fathers and husbands, but it’s really geared towards men. You know, that’s that’s at the, at the foundation of what we are. As you know, we are men who are chasing a vision of fulfillment and intention. And you don’t necessarily have to be married and be a father to do that. But I think our oldest guy is 60 and we have and we have everything in between. I would say the most common is probably early 30s to late 40s. So that’s that’s normally what we seem.

Darren: Yeah, I guess I guess that kind of kind of makes sense. But my my kind of impression was that it would be around 40’s because I think that’s at the point where, you know, you start to consider the second half of life, if you like, has to you know, you’ve got to weigh you are currently in, maybe you’re not where you want you to be and and you want to you want to make a change. So, yeah. So in terms of, you know, that kind of the greatest areas that the men have challenges with. Larry, what what would you say is the greatest challenge? I mean, you mentioned earlier on about about marriage, but what other areas do you see in common areas that guys want to improve?

Larry: The most common areas, like I said, are the marriage by far. The other thing, too, is the connection with their kids. A lot of guys just struggle with like, hey, you know, how do I know I love my kid more than anything. Right. But how do I connect to this 5 year old like I’m struggling there? I’m not really understanding how to do that. I don’t speak 5 year olds are like, oh, my gosh, my teenager. It’s hard for me to connect to my teenager because, like, they’re a teenager.

So connection with their kids is is another one. I would say another one, too, is, you know, its finances as well. Most of us are not you know, we’re not given the tools or the skill set. We’re not taught about finances. So unfortunately, we go to the school of hard knocks for finances and we make a gazillion mistakes.

And then we’re like, oh, my gosh, I’m bad. You know, if suddenly I’m bad with money and then, you know, health, I would definitely say is is another issue, because as you’ve seen, men self, they think it’s self selflessly. They’re not taking care of their health. But unfortunately, there’s I mean, that’s that’s a lie. I mean, the more you take care, your health, the more profoundly you can serve. So you need to take care of your health.

Darren: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So on on the house side of things, what type of guidance and programs and things like that. Do you, do you, do you get the dads or guys support with.

Larry: So healthwise? You know, we actually have a weekly mastermind called, called the Fit Dad Call team. And that’s run, that’s run by one of our one of our community experts. His name is. His name is Doug Schlink. And he actually has been a trainer for 20 years. And he definitely caters towards dads. So we have, we have that for, for health. We also have finance coaches who run a call team for finances. You know, they, they, jump into that personal finance investing, you know, debt reduction, money management, the whole nine yards.

Darren: Well, yeah, I mean, that sounds that sounds great, say, in terms of, you know, talking about finances and in the situation that we’re in currently, we obviously to lock down and have, have you kind of put on any additional cool teens to deal with, specifically with finances or what kind of things? You seem people having challenges with right now?

Larry: Oh, yeah. I mean, for sure. You know, we, we have you know, we have what we’re trying to do right now is we’re doing a couple of different things. If men are loose. So we have, we have a policy in our, in our community if you lose your job or use your income. We absolutely, positively will not allow you to leave or pay until you have regained employment or income. So you lose your job. You lose your income. Well, guess what? Now you’re coming on. Now you’re now you’re gonna come to our community or stay in our community or me? We call that the no man left behind policy. We’re not going to abandon men because they can’t pay their, their monthly mastermind dues. We just won’t do that. The other thing we do, too, is as of right now with Covid-19, we have a whole lot what we call the live legendary swag swag line. So we’ve got hats, we’ve got we’ve got blender bottles, we’ve got we’ve got shirts. What I’m doing right now is I’m taking I’m taking a hundred percent of those profits. I’m just putting them into a separate account to help men out who need it. So if something happens or you fall in hard times, we got your back. The other thing, too, is, yeah, you’re right. I mean, we’ve been offering more financial call teams and education on money management, because right now, you know, sometimes with the mastermind community that, you know, it’s like the first thing to go. People are like, oh, well, you know, I need to put food on the table and all that. And yeah, we definitely get that.

However, to, to not invest in yourself, even if it’s just like, here’s the thing, what happens? We fall on hard times and we don’t have community. Not only are we falling on hard times, but now we’re isolating, which is very dangerous, very, very, very dangerous. I can’t even tell you how many men have told me or someone else in our, in our community. I have really fallen on hard times. And if it wasn’t for this community, I don’t know if I’d be here right now. Like, that’s how serious it is. And I’m not saying like guys up to the point where they’re so depressed that they’re going to do something drastic. But are the chances higher? Absolutely. Without a doubt. So, you know, we’re offering men those, those things in those services and that knowledge right now in that community, most important.

Darren: Yeah, I totally agree, I think some community is so valuable and I think we are going through a period in, in life, in society where it’s now become way more acceptable that men are you know, it seemed to be okay to reach out. It seemed to be okay to be part of the community, because I think up until probably I’d say about two or three years ago, you know, it was very macho, ego driven, whatever you want to call it. But it was saying that you’re a man. All right. You’re a guy. You don’t need help. You know you’re lost, but you need to help other people. But you don’t need to help yourself. And I think that was very wrong for a very long time. And luckily, that’s now starting. I think the tide is starting to turn. And it’s in a socially acceptable for men to put their hands up and say, look, I’m struggling here. You know, I’m, I’m really struggling. And I think to be able, you know, for you guys to be able to provide that community at that point when they need it most is. Yeah, it is amazing. And I think, um. Yeah. All credit to you guys. And hats off to you really, to, to do that.

Larry: Thank you. I mean, it’s, it’s important work, right? And yeah, I don’t think you can call us a man for others if we’re not doing just that, right?

Darren: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So in terms of the Dad Age podcast and Larry, what’s been taught that apart from that we’ll see the five pillars that you cover within the community and stuff or other things we like to share on the podcast and guests that you have on the podcast.

Larry: Yeah, I really. So I’ll, I’ll share with you how we, how we do things and I guess more or less the vision that we have. So, we, I launched three shows per week. I try to give men a try to give the listeners just a variety of different things to pick and choose from. So every Monday I always have a high level guest on. So someone who’s like a pro athlete or former Navy SEAL or some sort of New York Times best selling author or something like that. We’ve had a plethora of really amazing guests. I launched that on Monday because I always want to give them men just something big to think about during the week. On Wednesdays, what I do is I stream a Q&A through our data delys mastermind community. So that’s where men can literally jump on and be a part of the show. And I do allow that for the guys who are part of the mastermind that they, they literally get to come and be a part of the show. And we get to answer questions from, from the community that are that men have.

We treat it like a radio call in show. Men will live, ask questions. We have no idea what questions are coming. We’ll answer them. And then on Thursday, I call that Thursday throwdown and Thursday throw down. What I usually do is I I interview one of our members from the mastermind. The reason I like to do that and I’ve gotten so much good feedback on that because, you know, as much as we love to hear guys like Jack o’ Willink, you know, the former Navy SEAL, you know, those guys on the podcast is like, wow, you know, that’s awesome, Jack. But it’s hard for me to relate to Jack o’ like Jack o’ kinda like one in a billion, right? What Thursday throwdown really offers the listener is that is what I like to call the everyday dad. That’s guys like me. And, you know, the guys like that are just super imperfect. We’re not New York Times best sellers. We’re not pro-athletes. And he’ll work. His dad’s just trying to make it happen. You know, and, and nothing relates more to us as men and fathers, more than someone else’s story.

And I feel like when we can share that story of somebody else who’s in the trenches with us versus like, you know, so I like Jack o’, who we, who we look at is like, what’s Jack o’ like? He’s way like light years ahead of me. It just it helps us, I think, navigate just a little bit more effectively because we know we’re not alone in somebody else’s experiences and skill sets, you know, has, has taught us a few lessons.

Darren: Yeah, I agree, I think he is. It is a long while. I once had a lot more valuable, but I think he’s a lot more relatable to have other members within your community. Come on and share, you know, be bold enough to share their story. And I think it just helps with other people that can relate to that because they are perhaps, you know, there’s probably a lot of people that are in their similar, if not the same, but similar position. And it kind of in some ways, if it’s a negative position that you guess is talking about, they can say little about hope. They’re right. And in the end, if it just turns out one person around, then, you know, that’s enough for me. He has that. What might my community. But for me, that’s that’s, you know, the objective. Right, is, is that to give the others hope and, and confidence that they can do the same.

Larry: Exactly.

Darren: Awesome. So before we wrap up, then, Larry, are there five key actions that you could give the listeners to take away today, if their dads and they’re looking to improve their lives in various different areas of life. Is it five different tips that you could, you could recommend five action items?

Larry: That seems like a lot for most guys, including me. You know, it’s like the simpler, the better. Yeah, I would say you’re not going to take any actions, number one, unless you give yourself permission to take action. So that would be my first action item is to allow yourself the time and space and investment to and whatever that looks like for you.

It could be buying a book. It could be your time of listening to a podcast. It could be you going to a conference of some sort. But giving yourself permission to step into that. The second thing is really analyzing, you know, those five dimensions. Finances, marriage, health, kids and leadership and business. Which one of those need my attention and how and, and not?

And the other I would say the third thing is don’t ever look at these things as something is wrong with you or you’re broken and you need to fix it. So like, for instance, if you want, it’s it’s a lot easier and it’s a lot more efficient and a lot more enjoyable. If you think of, for instance, your health. Right. Instead of looking at yourself like I’m 40 pounds overweight. I’m so out of shape I need to lose weight. That’s motivating for about four seconds and then it just isn’t motivating anymore. And even if it does motivate you because, you know, that is motivation for some people, it’s not the most it’s not the most enjoyable motivation because you’re beating yourself up. Now, if you, if, if you say hey, like so for instance, a few months back, I did the seventy five hard. And the cool thing about doing the seventy five hard in my experience with it was I didn’t view myself as broken out of shape like I mean I was, I was heavier than what I normally am, I was definitely softer.

But the thing that I kept in mind was I’m not, I’m not doing this because I’m broken, overweight, out of shape.I’m doing this because I have a vision of what I want my health to look like in seventy five days. And it made it easier to go out every day and stay disciplined and chase that vision every day versus like, I’m so broke and I’m so this I’m so out of shape, I need to kick my own ass and in better shape. I didn’t do that to myself. I just was like, hey, every day I get to work out or train or eat healthy. It’s because I’m chasing this ultimate vision of what this is going to look like at the end of seventy five days.

Darren: Yeah.

Yeah, I think I think having that goal there and having the reason why I talk about it is quite low. Some people think it’s a bit woo but having a big a reason as to why you’re doing something really guys to help because motivation gets you started. Motivation won’t keep you going. And having that reason why is when things get hard or things get tough is when it will keep you going because you’ll focus on that bigger reason or that big to go. So yeah, I think that’s a, that’s really valuable. Thanks very much for joining me on the show today, Larry. But if there’s one thing that I should have asked you that I didn’t ask you. Is there anything you could think of?

Larry: I can’t think of anything if you could ask if you wanted to ask me a question when I think this quarantine will end. I wish I knew the answer to that. So that’s really about it. That’s all I got.

Darren: Yeah, I think I think all of us listening would, would like to know when this is going to end. But sadly, none of us have got a crystal ball right now. And I think we just have to dig in and just savor the time that we have when, when everything gaps is on pause. But so, if people want to connect with a check out Good Dad Project, was that all the social platforms and the Web sites where they can go to. 

Larry: Sure so you can find everything, we’re doing a Good Dad Project. If you want to find out all our social media handles, just go to gooddadproject.com/podcast. In any of those shows, you’ll see all of our handles. I mean, you can find me on Facebook. My, my name is not that common. So you can search me on Facebook and find me on Instagram as @thedadedge so you can find me there. But yeah, that’s where you could definitely find me.

Darren: Awesome. Well, thanks very much for joining us on the show again today. And stay safe in the, in these crazy times. And I’ll look forward to catching up with you again soon. 

Larry: You as well.

Darren: Thanks for listening to the Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast. If you enjoy today’s episode, please hit subscribe. And I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on i-Tunes or the things mentioned in the upside will be in the show notes and a full transcription is over at Fitter Healthier Dad Podcast.

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